#i feel so out of everything
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#god this anxiety attack is really too long ove been at it for 4 days. i literally cannot do anything#because i keep thinking about it#i feel so out of everything#and fear is clenching my heart#im hungry but eveything i eat burn my stomac if i even manage to eat at all#im so scared so fucking scared#im trying to breath but it only works for like 2 minutes#ive even tried slapping myself nothing does it#ive been stuck in bed all day. i just went to the toilets and went to get some water and food at some point but barely#personal
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love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking
#yes i want things to be free like ??? that is not a weird desire#'but but it costs money to keep up' ok and? how is that my problem#the government has plenty of murder dollars they could reallocate a few to make internet services universal if they wanted#also these companies were perfectly capable of supporting themselves before the internet got drowned with ads so ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ#edit: muting notifs on this post bc new additions have kind of petered out#so no one feel bad about adding something someone else has saidā it is not bothering me im just trying to keep my#notifs page cleanish lol#also since i saw some people are being redirected to read my tags: firstly hiiiiii this is a special secret message for you:3#secondly i have learned since making this that the reason they were able to support themselves previously was because#of investors bankrolling everything#and theyre now finally realizing that theyre never going to actually make a profit and arent as willing to invest#however thats just a minor correction and doesnt change my overall point#once again. so many murder dollars#so thats why im just adding it here in the tags rather than making an actual correction#anyways . love yall š#origibberish#bigger gibbers
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dragon meat, you, and me
#marcille donato#falin touden#farcille#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#tw blood#tw body horror#tw gore#as a normal farcille fan this revival has been on my mind since i first read it and getting to watch it is like yippee!!#like messy revivals are everything - the consequences that will haunt u for the rest of the time they are alive#the initial hopeful moments where it all seemed well but quickly descend to That not being the case - losing not only the bit of evidence#evidence that your dream may work out but also someone you deeply care about in the processā¦ marcille my Beloved#ofc wholly thruout the journey - at the forefront of it - getting falin back was the most crucial point but so wuickly :(( it was lost#on the other end its crazy to think about the compoments of falin now - human - dragon (dungeon) - marcilleās magic and desperation#the food the crew cooked (digested) - she is made of many parts!!#also i did not realize how medical it feels to draw smth like this. i dont usually explore the inner parts or use a lot of blood#in my work so rendering everything and looking up refs it felt quite magical (?)#ruporas art
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Apparently this needs to be said so
Forgetting things is morally neutral! Memory issues are morally neutral!
You're not a bad person if you...
forget things quickly
forget people
can't remember entire stages of your life
can't remember important things
can remember some things very well and forget other things all the time
can't remember things (or anything!) about your interests
forget to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, etc
forget to reply to texts
remember things and immediately forget them again
can't remember birthdays, events, etc
frequently answer 'I forgot' to questions
can't retain new information
forget things you used to know
only remember things when it's too late
have vague, distorted and/or unreliable memories
depend on others to know how an event you were in played out
have other symptoms that are worsened by memory issues and vice versa
... and anything else I might have missed!
#muted#memory issues#adhd#actually adhd#dissociative amnesia#amnesia#memory loss#dissociative identity disorder#what other things cause memory issues#ptsd#i can't think of anything else#reminder#positivity#neurodivergent#neurodivergent positivity#memory problems#ice speaks#i tried to include as many experiences as i could think of#but out of everything i tagged i only have adhd so i probably missed a lot of stuff#so feel free to add your own experiences!#brought to you by... uh ironically i can't remember what prompted me to write this#something my mom said. i don't remember what it was tho
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in spite of everything, I had fun <3
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itafushikugi#jjk 271#well we made it :'>#im kind of ignoring a lot of the tag rn ghsdff ik people are upset#if u follow me u know th full extent of my thoughts on the wrapping up of the series but tl;dr the caption says it all#this series meant a lot to me and im working on a bigger tribute to fully express that love and gratitude#but take a redraw 2 tide u over for now#im just so happy. its bittersweet but those r my kids n theyre tgt and theyre okay#i think the return to normalcy is good fr them. i say let them rest n b together n process everything in time#/i'm/ satisfied with what i got out of jjk as a whole and that's all that matters to me#however ik that not everyone shares tht sentiment n thats valid!#regardless of how u feel abt the finale i hope that u at least take time to remember things abt the series that brought u joy#thats all i can say#oh yeah anyway i lightened up megumi's expression his face is so funny in that panel i can't believe he really said -_- until the very end#still tho i think megu deserves a content lil smile
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I don't like this place. It's turning everyone edgy and sad.
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#undertale#deltarune#crossover#utdr#crossover comic#twin runes comic#twin runes au#my art#art#susie deltarune#chara#this will ignite the āchara did nothing wrongā vs āchara is a murder hoboā debate I just know it#fact is they gave up everything for their plan to succeed and asriel blew it#HOWEVER they were also forced to watch asriel die and they could do nothing about it#so what does a dead child do for who knows how many years all alone with no one else to talk to?#they rethink everthying that went wrong#guilt is a weird thing that lingers and festers in your mind#no matter how much you're actually at fault#I mean come on... they were an abused kid#all they wanted was to not hurt anymore and return the love they were given no matter the cost#but now they are CONVINCED it was their plan that kickstarted this whole mess#and it's eating at them#you can see it because they actually used contractions for once#i love subtle stuff like that#also hey#susie's feeling remorse for her whole āchara offed asrielā comment#the two are more alike than she thought and now she feels bad#out of all people she should know what it's like to be falsely accused
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In the past, people in the Animal Crossing community would make fun of Tom Nook as a sleazy landlord. Since then, he's really rehabilitated his image as this 'heart of gold' businessman (he's the one who puts bells and furniture in trees for you to find! he adopted orphans! he donates to charity!), but New Horizons genuinely paints the most devious version of him.
He's successfully privatized settler colonialism: you pay HIM to move to a "deserted island" (which apparently the oceans in the AC world are just full of) and start a colony that he is directly invested in. At best he's running a weird vacation package scam (you arrive on the island with no money and in debt for "using his services"). At worst, he's using you to set up company towns. For god's sake, he literally has his own fake currency that he forces you to use to pay off your debt. But don't worry, he's repackaged it in a way that definitely doesn't sound like an MLM scam: the Nook Mileage Program!
You're no longer just his tenant or his temporary part-timer, you're his business lackey. The entire tutorial section of the game has you spending actual weeks running around completing tasks and doing hard labor to set up his colony. You're even tasked with preparing his properties and finding buyers for them. No, you aren't a tenant anymore. You work for the landlord. You are directly responsible for finding tenants for him. And he doesn't even fucking pay you. Not for setting up town hall and museum, or his nephew's shop āā which is the ONLY store on the entire island that sells necessities āā or bringing KK Slider to town, or helping populate his town. Not a single cent. No, actually, you have to pay HIM to BUY infrastructure like bridges and stairs and park benches. And all the while, he's telling you're the "resident representative"; you get to call the shots! That the reward is the community's progress. That what you're doing is in everyone's best interest (but most importantly, his).
Since NH's release, people have done a lot of legwork to say that Tom Nook isn't a capitalist while the game shows him at his very worst. He owns the only general store in town. You're forced to use a phone that he modified and branded as his own. Buy Nook-branded furniture and merchandise at the self-serve kiosk in the town hall, a governmental building! There's no conflict of interest here!
But hey, if you're tired of being the landlord/business mogul's goon, you can also find work as a deluxe resort home designer for a company that also pays you in their special company currency that can only be used to buy their products instead of a real salary! Because that's what the Animal Crossing franchise needs! More vacation homes!!!
#this is a really long winded way to say i really really really really hate new horizon's storyline and player role#i really hate that not only your house but the entire TOWN. the whole COMMUNITY you're a part of is owed to tom nook's business#i really hate the āvacation getaway packageā angle because it shows just how commercialized the entire premise of nh is#and how lost the game is in its original core concept#animal crossing is about the experience of moving to a new town and becoming a part of that community#just to compare: all past ac games have a similar opening#you're on a bus or train or taxi to someplace new. a stranger strikes up a conversation and you get to know them before arriving#new horizons opens with you at customer service desk filling out an client application before a flight.#in prev games working for nook in the tutorial is meant to be demeaning. you want it to be over with so you can actually start living life#but in new horizons working for tom nook IS your life. and it's so rewarding! don't you feel rewarded?#you aren't a person. you aren't a new neighbor. you're tom nook's client. and then his unpaid employee. and the game insists it's fun to be#that's how void the game is#because it's bad enough that a rpg life sim got turned into a sandbox game where you have to build the town yourself#but the only reason why you're building it is because the landlord who you're in debt to TOLD you to build it.#everything is a rewards program! everything is a tour service! be sure to do your daily tasks to earn nook bucks to spend on nook merch!#that really sucks imo.#i mean. the entire game is based around the vacationing industry. of course it all feels fake and temporary. it's only a vacation.#long post#rant#not art#god the fact that your starter villagers can't even decide where to live you have to decide for them#i've never played a game that does the opposite of handholding#where instead it's the PLAYER who has to handhold the npcs through everything. and newsflash!! it's really exhausting and boring
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Genuinely, and I mean this kindly, but learning to recognize bait and not engaging with it will change your fandom experience.
#once you realize : oh theyre just trying to rile me up and i dont care to give them a response#everything is less stressful#i keep seeing the same arguments rehashed every six or so months#i know a lot of people are new and dont know but the trolls youre arguing with do#theyre trying to burn yall out and send you packing#also i do think there is something very funny about someone spending all that time color coding a bait post#and no one engages with it like wow you tried#i understand the passion people feel AND at some point you gotta let it go#anyway i do feel like the best way to sustain longevity is to just block the tags/people who enrage you
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You're petrified by your own fucking standards - and your fear of failure! This is the truth. ANATOMY OF A FALL (2023) | dir. Justine Triet
#anatomy of a fall#filmedit#filmgifs#moviegifs#userfilm#dailyflicks#doyouevenfilm#fyeahmovies#f: anatomy of a fall#cat: mgif#i feel called out#putting this scene smack dab in the middle of everything is so genius though#*k
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Guys, its not some fucking ābad luck devilā or whatever. Itās clearly this fucking time gargler or whatever the fuck thatās behind all this nonsense. Aguefort literally lays it out for us that the quangle makes things happen out of order. Things like, sayā¦Zelda and Gorgug being broken up even though we know from the Seven that theyāre still together in Junior year, or Aelwyn suddenly moving out and going from a snarky 19 year old whose never had a job or gone to college to a middle school teacher with 5 cats in the course of 3 months, or the sophomore album being 10 months late even though Fig only finished her debut a little over 16 months ago AND they were in the middle of the tour, or Hallariel and Gilear getting engaged after like a year when 3 months ago Gilear wasnāt even allowed to sleep in her bed, and Sklonda defending one of the organizers of this folk festival when the festival hasnāt even happened yet, or Figs birthday suddenly moving from Christmas to July.
#honestly the fact that we started en media res could even be construed as part of it#that feeling we had of being thrown into something all out of order#like. i think the fact that the team are such good improvisors is being used to hide whats happening from them#theyāre so used to yes anding everything that the inconsistencies donāt pop out#anybody interested is welcome to come and join the church of quanglicanism#quanglicanism#time quangle#dimension 20#d20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fhjy theory
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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What I wanted so badly was for Mary to learn about her boys from Cas. Like that night where Cas finds her when she canāt sleep and she expresses that she just doesnāt know anything about her sons since she missed so much?? All I wanted was for Cas to sit down with her at the table and just start telling her about them. Basic stuff at first: their favorite foods, their sleeping habits, the stuff heās just observed by being their passenger for years.
And then I want him to say something totally Cas, like āDean always wears more layers but thatās because his body naturally runs two degrees colder than Samās. But thatās normal for him and not indicative of any illness, so itās nothing to worry about.ā
And as they talk, it starts to get a little deeper, and Cas tells her more. He tells her about what she missed, about all the horrible things that happened to her sons and how they coped; how it changed them. And he tells her about Sam, he does, but really it ends up being all about Dean.
Heāll tell her about how Dean clenches his fists when heās upset, even as he tries to keep his face impassive. About how Dean drums his fingers on the steering wheel when heās anxious. Heāll tell her about Deanās nightmares, about the ways heās chosen to cope. Heāll tell her how to know when to approach Dean and when to give him space, how to gently acknowledge what heās feeling without pushing him too far.
And with every word he says, Maryās curious head tilt from when sheād seen them hug in reunion turns into a bone deep type of certainty. Because Cas is telling her things that only someone who paid special attention would notice. Heās telling her things that only someone very, very close to her sonās heart would know.
Cas will tell her the cliff notes of what theyāve been through; will tell her how the whole world looked to Dean and he rose to the occasion over and over again. Heāll tell her about Deanās doubts in himself and then vehemently declare them as wrong and explain, at length, why. He will tell her about the people Dean has lovedā the people who loved him like he was their ownā and lost. He will tell her about Bobby, Ellen, Jody, Donna, and Charlie. Heāll tell her about Claire, too, and how Dean stepped up.
And the whole time, Mary will have this realization that oh, she may not have been around to guide and protect her sons, but there was always someone there to care for them and support them when they needed it. She will realize that she and John may have left them, but they were never alone.
But more than that, there was someone there for Dean. Someone picking Dean over and over again while Dean picked Sam, or the world, over himself. There was someone fighting for Dean when he wasnāt fighting for himself. There was someone who saw Dean, and loved him unconditionally.
Sitting across from her, at the asscrack of dawn, filling her in on all the things she missed was every motherās dream: someone who loved her child with the kind of devotion that would break the world. And from the sounds of the stories she was being told, it did break the world. Someone whose love is entirely untainted and comes without any strings attached.
Itās so clear to her as she listens to Cas talk that Cas loves Dean with no expectations. That loving Dean is something he just does, like he doesnāt know how not to love Dean, like the possibility of not loving him never occurred to Cas. He loves Dean in a way that Mary knows can and will soothe Deanās sharp edges and battered heart. He loves Dean in the kind of pure way that tells Mary that it will continue to endure and overcome everything without ever diminishing, even the littlest amount.
Mary, through tears, will tell Cas how she always told Dean that there were angels watching over him. And before Cas can make some comment about Dean being the Righteous Man and the interest of most of Heaven, she will place a hand over his and give him a motherly look that will convey all the things sheās not sure how to sayā and the things sheās not sure Cas is ready to hear yet. And Cas will flush and look away, mumbling about how her son is very special to him.
And when she pulls him into a hug and murmurs thank yous into his shoulder, she will be comforted in the knowledge that her sons turned out to be wonderful men, and that they managed to stay together through everything. She will be comforted to know that no matter what happens, no matter her shortcomings as she tries to fill a role she never meant to leave, Sam will have Dean and Dean will have Cas.
And this time, when Cas tells her that she belongs here, she will believe him. And she will tell him that he belongs here, too.
And when Dean wakes up a few hours later and wanders in to find Mary and Cas still chatting over the table, heāll be surprisedā but pleasedā to find Mary looking more at ease. Heāll be pleased when she gives him a warm hug and pats him on the cheek and tell him with all the sincerity that only a mother can muster that sheās glad that he met Castiel. And when Dean agrees, a little confused, Mary will just smile at him.
āI always said Iād like a third son.ā She says, āso give him a reason to take our last name, wonāt you?ā
And Dean will splutter and turn fifteen shades of red as he steadfastly doesnāt look at Cas but mumbles something that suggests heās not against the idea at all.
And Mary will laugh again and wink at an equally red Cas before heading towards the kitchen like āCas said waffles are your favorite, so I hope youāre hungry!ā
#mary Winchester could have been a good character#and the Mary&Cas friendship couldāve been everything#Mary deserved to learn about her sons from someone who loved them#and she deserved to see how they were never truly alone#like that whole scene I was screaming for Cas to talk to her#Cas helping Mary navigate the stress of situating herself into her boys life couldāve been so powerful#because he had to do that and heād know#and Dean having cas to keep going to as he tried to cope with his own side of things???#im just saying#this show robbed us of a lot but this is one thing I feel especially bitter to have missed out on#Castiel#dean winchester#mary winchester#spn#supernatural#destiel#deancas
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been in a yuuji mood
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#itadori yuuji#yuji itadori#sorry fr being quiet ive been a. busy w lmhs and b. in the emotional trenches#on the bright side tho arcane is out and i am once again attempting 2 channel a even a fraction of its art style#it is simply the natural order of things: arcane season drops and i am overcome with the urge to Paint#idk what they r feeding their artists and animators over there but its so gorgeous idk how they do it#regardless im thankful bc it feels like ive been so turbulent w where my style is#one second i love it the next i want to change everything about it#such is life such is growth#shoutout 2 yuuji fr being such a good guinea pig tho <3#him and the colour red. if no one got me ik itadori yuuji and the colour red got me
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Did you think I was done? Ahahahaha no, I have more.
Because chapter 70 of MOMU gave me the very dynamic between them that I missed so much, I just blacked out and started drawing uncontrollably lmao
Also. ALSO. I noticed a while ago that Prowl has the habit of..likeā¦constantly frowning. So. I did a bit of research and made this graph.
In 70 chapters, Prowl frowns rougly 104 times. And the intensity of this gesture is very clearly correlated with the development of his relationship with Jazz, as you can see ahahahahah It might be wrong tho donāt take me seriously Iām not good with graphs
#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#fic fanart#momu fanart#I just#mmmmm#For the whole fic Prowl had to think twice about everything Jazz says#every information could end up being wrong#sometimes even without Jazz realising it#so when Prowl says#heās trusting Jazz. itās.#also it totally wasnāt me googling ābelieving and trusting nuance difference in englishā#the moment I realised the difference I think my brain started rollercoaster loops#he canāt believe him but he found enough faith to trust him#while. YES. For the whole story Jazz couldnāt fucking be believed#list e n#Jazz did a lot of things for Prowl#fucktons of big and small gestures to show that yes he likes loves and appreciates Prowl#Iām so happy Prowl is returning this energy#like#remember that scene a while back when Jazz kissed Prowl? Cool cool okay. Did Prowl kiss him? nope. It was one sided gestures#*gesture. That kiss didnāt make me feel like itās truly something precious because Jazz started it but Prowl didnāt do quite the same#but thisš. This feels so much more important for me. Because Prowl#who is for the whole story was mister I calculate every chance of possible betrayal. Prowl whos entire personality is to trust nobody#Prowl goes. Fuck that I trust you. You feel me?#it wouldnāt be the same if he said I love you. Because love is very much something you donāt have a lot of control over.#but to trust someone? Itās a choice Prowl had to consciously make. You see what I mean? I love it. oh fuck I ran out of tags..
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Sleeping Soundly Again - my comic for the Until the End of Time zine! I drew this around a year ago, and I'm so excited to get to unleash it on the world at last.
#billford#gravity falls#zine stuff#postbetrayal#ford angst#this is my first time doing a comic so i kept the panel layout as simple as possible#i feel like my art skills are better now than they were when i drew this but i still think the idea comes across just fine#seriously though check out the full zine the artists and writers poured their heart and soul into everything and it shows
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Balor can I try rizzing you up please please please please please please-
#Fields of Mistria#Balor#FoM Balor#Miriam (oc)#art#Me: idk who I'm going to romance yet so I'll probably feel it out as I play#Balor coming up to greet me: hey ;)#Me: EVERYTHING I OWN IS YOURS
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